"Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim."...Vicki Harrison
Grief does not end at a certain time after a loved one has passed.
It may take many years for the pain of grief to gradually reduce in intensity. Special dates or anniversaries such as birthdays, the date of the loved one’s passing, as well as holidays, family gatherings and events (such as weddings and funerals) or celebrations of others, can reactivate the pain of loss.
The wave of grief can sneak up on us without warning sometimes before a particular date or anniversary. This happened to me only recently, in June.
My husband and I knew the end of our little dog’s life was coming. We may think we are prepared for ‘a passing’ however we never are. Harry had been a part of us and our family for nearly eighteen years and was very loved. Harry passed on the same day as the anniversary of my mother’s, the 31st of May. This was followed by the anniversary of our son Timothy’s passing on the 4th of June. The grief of losing our little dog, plus the other anniversaries, triggered emotional turmoil for me and I became unwell.
RE-AWAKENED GRIEF
The emotions that arise on anniversaries can be similar to the 'stages of grief' of the initial passing of our loved ones.
Re-awakened grief can cause symptoms such as:
Feelings of sadness, anxiety, depression, loneliness, fatigue, irritability or anger, as well as sleeplessness, loss of apatite, difficulty with concentration and bouts of crying.
It helps to write anniversaries in our diary so that as these dates approach we know to take extra care of ourselves.
WAYS THAT CAN HELP US WITH GRIEF ON ANNIVERSARIES:
By writing about or journaling our grief emotions.
By walking in nature - moving the grief out.
By letting the tears flow - they are a wonderful release.
By talking with friends and family.
By remembering the happy times and being grateful for them.
If we don't have happy memories, we can write the deceased person a letter expressing our feelings. This may help to dissolve pent up and negative emotions.
By hydrating and nourishing our body with healthy foods.
By being creative.
By taking time out and resting.
By believing that our passed loved ones are around us - we can ask for a sign.
"Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it."... Albert Smith
SIGNS FROM DECEASED LOVED ONES
Sometimes our loved ones in heaven send us a sign/s without us even asking. We just need to be aware as their signs can be subtle.
A month ago I brought an orchid inside from our small greenhouse. It had produced a long budded stem and I thought the heat inside the house might help it flower earlier. It seemed to be taking forever. But then on the 23rd July several of the flowers opened. This was the date of my Dad's birthday and he used to grow orchids. This was a sign. My Dad was acknowledging that he knew I was thinking of him and that I was sending him my love on his special day.
WAYS THAT WE CAN CELEBRATE THE LIFE OF OUR LOVED ONE/S PASSED:
By writing or journaling about them.
By placing a picture of them in a prominent position.
By lighting a candle for them. *
By playing their favourite music.
By watching a video of them.
By watching their favourite movie.
By planting a tree or flowers that they loved.
By preparing their favourite food or meal.
By writing them a letter.
By making a Facebook/social media post.
By visiting their grave or a favourite place of theirs.
By spending a quiet day reflecting.
"Mum, we like being remembered on our birthday. Place a photo of us in prominent position to remind you of our special times. And don't forget to talk to us. We can hear you."...Timothy R.
HEALING TIME
After becoming unwell in June (as mentioned above) I retreated, hibernated and took time out to heal.
Our journey through grief is a personal one and different for each of us. We need to be gentle on ourselves and allow the emotions that arise to flow through us.
Time is a wonderful 'grief pain' healing elixir.
By the 28th June, the anniversary of Timothy's birthday, I was able to celebrate this date with my husband, still with tears but also with joy in my heart. We danced around to the music of 'The Walk of Life', as Timothy had done, in the aisle of the Dire Straits concert we attended all those years ago.
Blessings...
Lyndall
* Please remember to extinguish all candles.
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